Truth is....

I lied to everyone, about everything

Especially me

I say I'm not tired when I am

I say I'm hungry when I'm not

I tell people exactly what they want to hear

And never say what I'm actually feeling

I let the lies pile up like bricks on a wall

Until I can't see out and no one else can see in

I make a plan to escape

I become someone else

I put on a disguise, and I climb over the wall

And no one recognizes me

I feel powerful

I get people to do what I want them to do

But I go too far

I get lost

And I don't recognize myself

I take off my disguise

I give away the power

I give up the control

I re-trace my steps

I go back to the wall, and take it down brick by brick

I bury them to mark the place

I strip away all the lies

Until there are none left

I remember the girl I left behind

I claim the confidence I was missing

I envision the woman I want to be

I tell the truth about everything

Especially you.

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the re-newing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is- His good, pleasing and perfect will".

- Romans 12:2

Forgiveness....

What is forgiveness?

Tonight my small group and I asked this question and came up with very different answers.

Is true forgiveness forgetting? Should someone be forgiven only if they ask for it?Does forgiveness include restoring trust and re-uniting a relationship?

Amongst all of our opinions, we agreed that forgiving is a true act of love. We came to the conclusion that the ultimate test of love is how you respond when somebody hurts you. Of course there are various degrees of which forgiveness is needed; stealing a cookie is not on the same level as rape and/or betrayal.

But since "a sin, is a sin" we transferred that ideal into forgiveness. I've learned that I MUST forgive; and this may sound selfish but I need to do it for me. I have seen firsthand how harboring that bitterness inside can make you miserable. I heard this quote once that said, "holding a grudge and being angry is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die". It's true. Since God has given us free will, I choose to relinquish completely to Him.

"Forgive out debts, as we forgive our debtors." -Matthew 6:12

"Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others." -Colossians 3:13

The Almighty has relieved me of all my wrongdoings, and continues to do so on a daily basis. Who am I to refuse someone of that? Realistically, this is easier said than done. As humans we hold mental catalogues of who did what that was offensive; at least I do. When I'm in a situation where I feel offended I have to ask myself, have I been wounded, or have I been wronged? Being wounded and being wronged are two different things. Being wounded is accidental and being wronged is intentional.

Maybe I'm just rambling, but tonight I was urged to write this because God has revealed to me what I need to work on. I am hard-headed, stubborn and need everything to go my way. I hold grudges and offer little forgiveness. I can't do it on my own, and I don't have to. I have recognized and accepted God's forgiveness. I continue to ask for His strength and power to go through me to forgive others.